I have been working on a draft about "Expectations" that we have of our children, some of the battles I've had with teaching children with learning problems, reactions of others especially other home schoolers etc. I'm not sure why it has taken me so long, but I know each time I work on it I feel my attitude needs a check so I leave it. Perhaps it will never actually make it to the publishing stage. It is not nasty, but I guess I know that I have been hurt by some of the comments of others and some of that hurt probably comes out in my words.
There are many families dealing with much greater disabilities than what we are struggling with. I follow a couple of blogs of mothers homeschooling kids with APD, ADHD, Autism etc. I happened, providentially, upon a site in which the mother of five had a very difficult daughter, about 5 years old, as yet undiagnosed but sounding like she was somewhere on the autism spectrum. She had posted a link to this lovely piece and it summed up I think how most of us feel when our hopes and dreams become something else. For most, myself included, not a nightmare, but a very trying and difficult road. She has linked to this thoughful piece which I empathized with and since I can't link straight to it I have linked via her at "The Daily Poop". Go to her post "Holland" and click on the essay.
http://rpc.blogrolling.com/redirect.php?r=2fd433e50e4b8481a8c56ca47987fa0d&url=http%3A%2F%2Fblessedfam.blogspot.com%2F
I thank God for his grace to perservere and the love and support of friends and family He has given me. I am also truly thankful for healthy, happy children and the opportunity to nurture and teach them. If you were heading for Italy and somehow detoured via Holland then take heart. This too, can be a blessed journey!
There are many families dealing with much greater disabilities than what we are struggling with. I follow a couple of blogs of mothers homeschooling kids with APD, ADHD, Autism etc. I happened, providentially, upon a site in which the mother of five had a very difficult daughter, about 5 years old, as yet undiagnosed but sounding like she was somewhere on the autism spectrum. She had posted a link to this lovely piece and it summed up I think how most of us feel when our hopes and dreams become something else. For most, myself included, not a nightmare, but a very trying and difficult road. She has linked to this thoughful piece which I empathized with and since I can't link straight to it I have linked via her at "The Daily Poop". Go to her post "Holland" and click on the essay.
http://rpc.blogrolling.com/redirect.php?r=2fd433e50e4b8481a8c56ca47987fa0d&url=http%3A%2F%2Fblessedfam.blogspot.com%2F
I thank God for his grace to perservere and the love and support of friends and family He has given me. I am also truly thankful for healthy, happy children and the opportunity to nurture and teach them. If you were heading for Italy and somehow detoured via Holland then take heart. This too, can be a blessed journey!
Ruby, I know it's not helpful, but I can't imagine. I have one friend with a disabled girl who is non-verbal. They have not been able to have more children, so she is the one and only child they will have.
ReplyDeleteIt took me getting to know her to begin to realize some of the things that have to be given up - dreams of weddings, grandchildren, even the time when their child won't need such close care and they can go back to concentrating on their own relationship - things that you take for granted are part of parenting.
Thanks for sharing this, Ruby. I too have drafts that will never be published. In some cases, writing the feelings down has been a cathartic process in itself - once the problem is written about I feel better about it anyway, and am able to move on, and sometimes even implement change, without continuing to work on what would potentially have been a 'nasty' piece. Maybe you'll find that too.
ReplyDeleteI'm saddened that you have been hurt by the unfeeling and insensitive words of others. It is funny, but I often feel that my bloggy friends are less likely to judge and are more likely to offer support than my real life ones - maybe because I have time to think about what I am saying before I write it. In reality my tongue runs away with me sometimes, and there isn't an edit button!!
Please know that if you do decide to press 'publish', I will be right beside you all the way. I really value the friendship that has developed between us over the airways, and I hope that by now I can distinguish between hurt and bitterness in your writing! (not that I have seen much evidence of either, I hasten to reassure you.)
Have a nice day there in Holland.
Jeanne - who happens to be visiting there too.
B.B.
ReplyDeleteYes, there are great sacrifices made by dedicated parents of children with severe disabilities. It can be for all of their lives, too.
Jeanne,
I do find a lot of times I can sort things out in my mind by writing them down, and have done for years. Blogging definately gives that time to think a post or reply through instead if opening our mouth before the brain is in gear!
Visiting figuratively? or in reality?
Ruby when we did foster care the last time a wise friend told me to just accept up front that I would never be that mom that thinks must be so wonderful because she has such wonderful children. I would be the mom who had to fight my own feelings of frustration or even embarrassment or just 'you-don't-get-it-ness' in a group of other children or other moms, even perhaps when they tried to relate. I know just enough about dealing with learning disabilities and special problems to know that what she said was quite true; and to understand that one never feels up for that challenge. I also learned just enough to have understood that one values things in Holland one would have missed in Italy. God knows -- and has chosen -- the way that we take; I have seen His hand in your trials, even in the comfort you are able to be to others. Thanks very much for this post.
ReplyDeleteDear Ruby,
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, and thank you for sharing part of your journey. Certainly your love for your boys, and the softness of your heart shines through in your writing. I have a very dear friend who has a downsyndrome child. This friend was also able to relate to the article you mention. I'm so glad that God is with you as you travel through Holland. Hold tight to His hand, we all go places that are unexpected at times and it really is His grace that gets us through. I'm so thankful to have met you online, and that you're able to share at least part of your journey with us. No answers here (but you already knew that) just encouragement and acceptance.
Melanie x
(I just wanted to clarify b/c I left out a word that what my friend told me was that *others* would not view my foster child as wonderful and so think highly of me. I think she was saying that I had to expect that it wasn't going to be a flattering experience and I was going to have to lay aside all personal ambitions. Obviously, he *was* wonderful and I knew this no matter what others thought, though each day with him was incredibly difficult. Melanie is right that your love for your boys shines through all that you write of them.)
ReplyDeleteHi Ruby, writing is a great outlet to express how we are feeling about a certain situation and I think it is really healthy. Thank you for sharing your heart.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy reading your posts.
Lot's of love,
Sarah xxx