The Parent Trap

The trap...that which ensnares us, is falling in love with that little baby.  Right from the womb we build a relationship with our babies.  When they are born we nurture them and give them roots.  As they grow we try to encourage them to spread their wings.











Over the years we make choices which seem like the right thing at the time.  Alas we sometimes make mistakes. We know that only God is unchanging and always does what is best for us who believe in Him.  Sometimes the object of our love just doesn't see that. Sometimes they grow up and decide we were wrong and they take a different path.  Sometimes they want to blot us out of the their lives.

Oh Sea of Heartbreak!

Please forgive my ramble dear readers.  It seems that in the almost five years that I have been blogging my

whole life and perspective has changed.  Truly, I am still the same loving, affectionate person, but wounded. Rejection is hard...........  Keeping positive is more so..........Failing is shattering.

Our Lord Jesus was despised and rejected.
He is acquainted with all our sorrow and grief.
Into Your hands I commend my spirit, O Lord.

Bone Dry...

It is raining again ~ HARD!  Wild and very wet weather forecast for the whole weekend here. Who knows what it will look like by Monday morning as everything is saturated.  Ah, Queensland, the sunshine state!

It is ironic, is it not, that during such a wet, busy and abundant season my brain has frizzled up.....yep ~ dry as a bone so far as ideas and inspiration go!

Here is a link to an interesting review on Mental Health Issues.
It is partially a review of the movie Silver Linings Playbook and partly comment of Mental Health issues and their realities. Silver Linings Playbooks is the recently released movie in which Jacki Weaver was highly acclaimed. I haven't seen the movie but I think I would like to.

We are dealing with a mental health issue ourselves and I am feeling very drained and stretched by the demands on me.  I am realising that many individuals and families are affected by many various types of disorders.  Christians are not exempt.  We hope we are able to cope and survive, by God's Grace and Lord willing, be more compassionate to others who walk a similar path.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

For everything there is a season

And a time for every purpose under heaven

I woke up early last Saturday morning and drifted back to sleep with happy thoughts of my family gathered in Melbourne and a prayer for my gorgeous niece who was to marry later that day.

When I actually got our of bed a few hours later I was greeted with the tragic news that there had been a shooting in a school in America.

Sometimes, all  the seasons seem to happen in one day.....

So while I spent the afternoon waiting for pics to come up on Facebook and visiting my parents, there was a very sombre cloud over the day, even here so far away.

Ecclesiastes 3

1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

² A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
³ A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
⁴ A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
⁵ A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
⁶ A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
⁷ A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
⁸ A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

And so it has been for most of this year.  A season of casting away but also gathering and regrouping.  A time to keep silence on some issues but with others to voice our opinions. And we have had lots of times of weeping and sadness and trial but also many memorable happy times ♥
And so it seems, it has been all my life, as I look back from this high pinnacle of fifty years.  The ups and downs, the good times and the bad, sickness and health.

The one constant in my life?...............My Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ!
For even before I knew of my need of Him, I can see now that He was always leading and guiding my steps.  Before the Lord became the centre of my life, the love of my life, through many "dangers, toils and snares" He knew me and was working all of my life together for good and for His glory!

This is great consolation for us when we are travelling through dark valleys. And when life is going well and we are able to see all the wonderful blessings and glimpses of Glory that God has bestowed on us, we can also look back and see that the same faithful Jesus led us through that difficult time.

I know now that my niece was an enchanting bride. She  and her lovely husband are honeymooning and everyone is talking about just how special their nuptials were.

My heart aches for the the families of the sweet children and their teachers from Newtown.  I selfishly hold my children and grandchildren close, unable to fathom what pain they feel.

We do indeed "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep."
As we come to the end of another year, when there is a lot of rejoicing and thanksgiving, I want to give praise and thanks to God ~ for His mercies endure forever! "The JOY of the Lord is my strength" and no matter what comes our way in 2013 "Nothing shall separate us from the love of Christ which is in Christ Jesus"!

Thank you all for your friendship, encouragement and entertainment during this very eventful year.  God bless you  xo

Rawr!!!!!!!!!

Of Deep Thoughts and Shallow Lives

He leads me beside the still waters

For quite a long time, when I first began to blog, I posted on a regular topic "Sabbath Thoughts".  Now, it's not that these thoughts and ponderings have dried up completely, but I very seldom dabble in posts like that any more.  There are a couple of reasons.

One thing was that being uncertain of my readership, those who do not comment, I wanted to be careful what may be coming across as "teaching". 

Another thing was that the more I read around the internet, the more I found material with which I disagreed.  I try hard not to get embroiled in debates, especially on topics which might be considered straining a gnat. They will know we are Christians by the love we have for one another.  I want to be able to fellowship and enjoy all who profess Christ. I did not want my blog to become a place where offences were caused and harsh words were exchanged.  I think I've managed that.  I do not know whether I am always true to my own heart on some things but if I can't find a something good  to comment, then I don't comment at all (Thanks Mum!)

I have also experienced a long and difficult period in my life through which I am still wading.  Although I am a battle weary warrior of nearly thirty years experience I have not coped so well with some of the trials which have beset us.

Some one very close and influential let me down badly :- (  How childish and immature I have been about this.  I've had lots of disappointments in my life and they have served to show me more clearly that the only faithful and dependable one is God.  Man, male and female, will always disappoint, as we ourselves do.  I put too much store by what this person said and have felt crushed in the fall out.  I feel too drained emotionally and spiritually to share very much here.

The old saying "When mumma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" comes to mind. Have I dropped my bundle to the detriment of my family, my husband, my friends? They would say no, but deep down I know that I have not behaved and lead by example as I might have done in the past.

Time is healing this wound.  God is gently showing me my failings. I do not want to loose that ability to reach out and love and trust people, but deep hurt takes a good deal of time to resolve. All of us here have been affected and I especially grieve for my teenage boys who have seen some unpleasantness between adults who profess the Lord.  I remember this happening when my girls were in their early teens too and it grieves all the more as I know it to be a factor in their walking away from the Lord. All of my children are covenanted to be the Lord's and I trust that in His time they will search for and trust in Him.

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Reinhold Neibuhr

Our lives become very shallow and meaningless if we turn back from what we know is the straight path.  Here in this place a little faithful group of believers meets together in the manner which we believe is honouring to our great God. It is simple but deep. We hold his Word to be precious and his Saints to be dear.  As my family and I move forward, we struggle with the changes that have come about in our lives.  Hubby and I find it difficult to keep the Lord's Day in the way we used to and sometimes our family worship times are greatly interrupted.  Personal time too.  I confess, I am often distracted by all the busy-ness of small children, school and family that old routines seem to have gone by.  Have I become shallow?  We do not want our lives to become just so, so.  We long to display our love and loyalty to our Lord and Savior.

The Lord is on my side

I will not fear.

Not Sabbath Thoughts but the random thoughts of a tired heart ♥

Meeting the Challenges

One day at a time.
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Being a little overwhelmed by some of the present challenges that life holds before me, I came to the realisation that without challenges, it would be a very boring existence indeed!

I am constantly put to the test by technology :-) This week it is my printer. I have put in a new ink cartridge only to be told that it will not print because the cartridge is not genuine.  The trouble being, it is a genuine cartridge.  I do not have the smarts to inform my computer of this fact and so have not been able to print anything out.  It is amazing just how much printing one needs to do when one can not :-)

A serious challenge at present is planning for the 2013 academic year.  My older son will be Year 11 age.  He has no huge goals at present but is keen to try out different things and gain skills.  He is not, however, keen to attend TAFE, which was the way we thought we were heading.  The pre-vocational courses run during Years 11 and 12 look really good and interesting and useful for life no matter what he decides to do. The sticking point is the "classroom" element which is a component even of the hands on courses.  I understand that because I am his teacher and I know the challenges he has to face each day.  His Year 11 & 12 subjects will be through the Enrichment Program with Groves DE so basically continuing at his present ability.  He would like to do some work as well as school if not attending TAFE.  I am for this also but I know having had others working casual jobs and completing schooling that often the hours the student can actually do school work can be limited. 

Second son will move up to year nine but also has many challenges.
For me the great challenge at present is motivation.  They are past the stage of carefree days rambling the Botanical Gardens for leaves and bugs.  They are almost through their school years and looking at a working life but still struggling with many of the basics.
Some days it is tough to be positive and inspiring!  Come on all you creative people out there.  What do you do to ignite the fires of imagination in flailing young minds?

It is a challenge living here in our once large but growing smaller home :-).
This is one challenge that has so many good sides that it is really not weighing on my mind.  Of course, there are days, today being one, where we all heave a collective sigh when the little darlings finally go to bed.  Four active, inquisitive toddlers generate a lot of noise, mess, washing, chaos, did I say mess?  But I do love those little guys ♥
If only we could get a clear day to clean .... before the troops come tromping back through the house! I am grateful, in a strange sort of twist, that I do have a worn out, falling apart, going to mildew sort of house.  How hard I would find it if everything was "precious".

My greatest personal challenge is to keep myself on an even keel health wise.  After poor results two months ago, my Renal Clinic appointment today was a little more encouraging.  I am never going to "get better" but by being as diligent as possible my blood sugars are slightly better, my Renal function is stable, blood pressure is fine. While the heat tends to make my battle with tiredness worse, our Spring has been reasonable so far and I am enjoying the days.

My No.2 grandson was four on the weekend and again my gadgets let me down. (Seeing a pattern here?)  Therefore I have no photos to show of the fantastic little fellow with his gorgeous green frog umbrella!  Something to look forward to, eh?

The Birthday Boy

Because blog reading seems to have become almost a past fad, I am probably writing a little more personally than I used to because I know all you fine ladies who read or at least comment here.  So many blogs have finished now and I am missing some of those which I found particularly uplifting. I am not planning to cease.  For two years now I have only posted once or twice a week and I enjoy the journalling aspect of it. 

So, to all who drop by here this week.  Take up your challenges one by one.   Do not be anxious for anything and cast your burdens upon the Lord for he shall sustain you. He will never suffer the righteous to be moved.

Philippians 4:6

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

I had a plan...

I've mentioned before that we are with  Groves Christian College distance education.  After doing our own thing for about fourteen years I thought it would be very restrictive to have the supervising teachers from the school overseeing our progress.  In God's good Providence the staff at Groves have been a Godsend for me and my boys.

Today our teacher visited as they do a couple of times a year and it has been a great encouragement to have her input and suggestions.  Mostly, just good to be appreciated and supported so liberally!  Words of affirmation.(My love language)

I had many hopes, dreams and goals when I began homeschooling and some of them have come to pass.  But I think we all need to face the reality that "Man makes his plans but God directs his path."   Many unforeseen circumstances have come to pass over the last twenty years and brought us to where we are today.

I still embrace delight directed learning but find it harder and harder to find the delight in each day.  I still believe that knowing the Lord and Christian character are more important that academics, but some days it is just a case of getting through the work we need to do.

I still have the goal to raise useful, Godly adults and I am seeing some results but the gains are hard won and the disappointments are great.

But God......

When push comes to shove, God has always sent an answer. 

Like today, with the friendly, encouraging visit from our teacher.

Like last Friday evening when I met with just two of the mums at our Mother's night out.  It was great that just three of us turned up because we got to actually share about what was going well, what was not and what has worked over the years. (And we ate nice food that we didn't have to cook!)  Petunia and I got a zap of enthusiasm from one of the young, energetic mothers and she, hopefully gleaned something from our experience.

I had plans too for some major house work this last weekend, but the sickness has been ongoing with several members of the family having more than one bout of it, and no one felt up to it.  Of course, then we had a mad dash around this morning before the good teacher arrived!  I know, I know, no one else has to do that!

I've been thinking a lot about the way God directs our paths.  So often we ask for an answer, a sign, a directive and when it comes it is not what we wanted or expected.  God works the trials and the everyday occurrences of our lives for our good.  I have been focusing on this.  Knowing that our God shall supply all our needs!  I feel tired, but I am not to weary in well doing for in due season we shall reap.  God's promises are a constant source of encouragement and renewal of strength.

Two Shall be One

Three years ago I blogged about my broken heartedness over the break up in a marriage of a couple very close to me.  In that time that marriage has been dissolved and the two parties have gone their separate ways, living lives which only overlap because there are children involved.

I also posted about values and the commitment needed to make a lasting, loving and successful marriage here. I was overwhelmed then by the seeming loss of old fashioned (biblical) values in our modern world where every one seems to think it is all about "ME".

During those years my own daughters have had de facto relationships.  One is planning to marry, the other has left a very tense and hurtful situation.  Other couples not so close to us have also parted.  Friends and relatives my own age, brought up with good Christian principles and solid parental examples. What is happening in our world?  The basic unit of society, the family is being steadily, but surely eroded.

The lobby for same sex marriage to become legal is so active that we cannot watch news items or advertisements without abominable images flashed before us.  This generation is being brain washed to think that self and happiness and individual needs are the most important and fulfilling goals to strive for. Putting aside  the biblical detestation of man/man, woman/ woman  sexual relationships , I do not understand why the term marriage, defined in the Westminster Confession of Faith as one man and one woman, is being high jacked.  Call it what you like.....we know it as sin.

Like many families we have our share of relationships and lifestyles which fall out of the pattern of the two parent family.  We don't hate these family members or avoid them, nor do we agree with their life style.  These marriage break ups, painful as they are and usually not the fault of any one person, put us in awkward positions.  How do we now treat the person who is not your relative/ friend before their union.  I have remained close to my sister-in-law and given as much love and encouragement to her and the children as possible under the circumstances .   My brother has a new partner.  She is a lovely woman and brings two children of her own to the relationship.  It's a tangled web!

Every marriage encounters trials, difficulties, strains.  My own has experienced many.  What is the key to holding it together?  Why did so many less couples part in our parents era, despite equally trying  circumstances.  My parents have been married for 61 years.  They have had enormous trials and griefs during that long marriage.  Today they are blessed to share the twilight years in one small room together in mostly contented unison. 

In my wedding vows I said the words "until God shall separate us by death."  That is a serious vow to make. It was sworn before God and before the congregation and has helped to keep my eyes focused when I have been tempted to escape.  Commitment is one huge thing and for Christians, the fact that there are three in our marriages ~ God, our husband and ourselves. 

Forgiveness is the heart of the gospel and should be our heart attitude at all times.  Forgive those small and annoying things and don't let them grow into big issues.

I know there are genuine cases where a marriage has been dissolved.  Our Confession lists adultery and utterly forsaking as valid reasons for divorce.  Other believes hold differing views.  Even in legitimate circumstances if a guilty party is truly repentant the offended one must forgive and then perhaps is able to continue in the marriage also.  This takes a lot of selflessness but by God's grace is possible.

This is all going through my head at present with the very sad and startling news this week of another couple, also fairly close to me, parting ways.  Beautiful young people, seemingly happy, five gorgeous children.  I was so grieved on hearing this I wept.  For the couple, their parents (my sister) and especially the children. I am praying now that God will do a mighty work of reconciliation for these two.  What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.

So, if you have one, hug your hubby today and show him you love him.  This is often really difficult to do, I know.  We must try to not let the sun go down on any differences we have.  Our children are counting on us to lead by example.  If professing Christians do not love,  as Christ and the Church, what hope for the world?.

Brain Drain #1

Another installment of what has become the Weekly Waffle!


Do you ever find that one week seems to just roll into the next?  You know you've accomplished some of your goals, made the appointments, cooked the meals, but where did all of those seven days disappear to?

                    " The older you are the faster they go!"

I used to think that a very silly quote when I was young but of course it is true.  As my very serious brother went to great lengths to explain to me recently.  It is the ratio of time (a day, a week, a year) to the number of years you have lived.  And as I have lived quite a few, they are flying.  Twelve year olds waiting for their birthday (and being allowed Face Book) find that time drags very slowly.  Roll on March.

#  My daughter got a fine.  Quite a large fine :-(  for driving over 40kph) in a school zone.  It's the first time she has been pulled over and it was a very busy morning.  We had the van packed with big children, little children, oldies and swimming gear galore.  Fortunately, we had everyone appropriated seated/ harnessed.  The annoying thing was we drive this road numerous times each week and just last Friday  on our way to swimming, we had discussed the hours for the reduced limit in front of the two schools which are on that road.  You could kick yourself!

# It has been a hard week for her as she also received a similarly large fine for her two dogs "escaping".  We have had the pleasure of her two LARGE beasts here this last twelve months along with the family. One small back yard and two big dogs are not such a great arrangement. 

# I have missed January and now February's Ladies Bible Study.  :-(  I do miss my sisters from church and particularly their wisdom and fellowship.  As I said, each week seems to fly by and I am finding that I cannot keep up with extra curricula stuff so well these days.  My priorities are clear and I accept my limitations but I recognise that I am more often feeling spiritually dry as a direct result of this loss of fellowship.  It has been a season to re-evaluate my walk and reliance on the Lord. He alone is sufficient.  I know that is one of my weak areas as I am a social body by nature.  I also miss having the opportunity to pray with the others and know more of their needs.  Some times I can (wrongly) feel that I am the only one with problems .  I know.  Selfish.  Proud.

# A couple of good articles linked on Facebook have spoken to me this week.  Susan at Kerugma linked to "Meet the Enemy".  A good blog post on pride.

  My dear elderly friend Nancy, in the US linked to this news story of a pastor called Yousef in Iran who is facing a death sentence for his stedfastness to his Christian faith.  It is a brutal reminder to us in our cushy lives, where Christianity is at least tolerated, that the Lord's people, our sisters and brothers, are still living and dying for Christ's sake.

#  Also, a friend who suffers chronic illness and is often bed ridden posted this status with which I could well relate.

"Hard to explain to someone who has no clue. It's a daily struggle being in pain or feeling sick on the inside while you look fine on the outside. Please put this as your status for at least 1 hour if you or someone you know has an invisible illness (PTSD, Anxiety, Bipolar, Depression, Diabetes, LUPUS, Fibromyalgia, MS, ME, Arthritis, Celiac, Post Polio, Cancer, Crohn's Disease, Heart Disease, Epilepsy, Autism,M.D.,C.F.S etc.) " Never judge what you don't understand, I don't know which of my friends will copy. Be interesting to find out!!!.."

 

This is a reminder to me that there are many people who suffer, often in silence.  Whatever it is that is afflicting us, there are always people worse off.  This dear woman who relies so much on outside help.  My cousin's eighteen year old daughter  with excruciating back pain to which there seems to be no answer or cure.  She is facing the possibility that her whole life will be affected by this torment.  A relative by marriage who has end stage cancer but still keeps a cheerful countenance even when he doesn't know what is going on around him.

# And now for the good news!  A good friend's husband has been cleared of anything sinister after scans of his brain indicated that there may be a problem.  They have waited several months for a specialist appointment.  Thank you, Lord.

So, what happened to thoughtful, themed posts from Ruby?  My own brain is not functioning at peak potential right now.  I know you will forgive my waffling.  I feel I can write to you as friends these days!

The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?

Seeing things work together for good.

We often comfort other saints with the words of Romans 8: 28 "All things work together for good to them that love God."  It is a beautiful promise for the people of God to cling to. Sometimes, if we are the ones on the receiving end of some trial or temptation, the words can seem hollow or not applicable to us in our doubting state of mind.  Sometimes we just can not see the light at the end of tunnel but often, if we only care to look back and analyse our situation we can clearly see God's hand on our life through the greatest of afflictions.  It is the wonderful truth that God will not give us more than we can bear.  We will be tried and tested.......often, but His grace is sufficient!

I chose this pic as the house belongs to some people I know.

This time last year with the flood waters receding I could never have imagined how those traumatic events would pan out.  It has been good for me to look over my prayer journal from that time, and some of my posts.  To recall how desperate we felt and to know now the good hand of God, steering us through all  situations. So often we cry out to God but sometimes we do forget to give praise and thanks for prayers answered.  And sometimes we don't realise that God has resolved a situation because the answer has differed from what we envisioned.


I praise God for my children, all of them.  Last year saw the break down of my older daughter's relationship, her moving home with us and the arrival of her twins to join their two older brothers.  It also saw the birth of my younger daughter's second son!  We endured the month plus of my hospitalisation and the long recovery period.  Now we can gladly say "It is the Lord, let him do what seemeth good to him."

Busy, busy!

These past answers to prayer and the many years before of knowing God's goodness have helped to soothe away some of my anxieties and fears.  If you read here regularly you are almost certainly a woman, you are more than likely to be a Christian sister, and there is a good "chance" you home school your children.  So sisters, will you pray for me now in a situation which is causing me quite a lot of disquiet.

During the holidays I felt markedly better than I had by the end of last term.  Alas, two weeks into school and I feel that peculiar weariness coming upon me again.  You would hardly believe how much I slept over the break.  Often 12+ hours a day!  Since we started back each day has begun later and later.  This morning I was just so listless that the boys carried on with the help of their older sister until lunch time.  The few hours after lunch I was fine and we managed to complete everything for the day but is this really fair......to everyone?  I know many mums continue to teach at home through all sorts of illness and dramas.  Mostly, they are short term situations though, like a birth, a house move or a sickness.  Would it be better for me and for everyone else in the family if the boys were at school?  Long term readers know that both of my lads have significant learning problems and at years 8 and 10 they would not just slide into a school situation.  This has never really been an option for me.

I love my boys and I want to do the best for them.  My commitment has not lessened but sometimes the spirit is willing but the body is not.  Please pray for us and perhaps pass on any ideas and opinions.  We have wonderful help from the Learning Support Unit at Groves but of course they do not see us day to day.  We are already utilising some DVD material and books but especially with the Science and History type things they really need me to watch it as well to be able to answer questions.

I'll leave you there folks.  If I am not reading and commenting you can see why.  When we are not eating, schooling, playing, shopping.....then I am sleeping!

The Bumble Bee and my GS1- The Boy Sweetheart ♥

Shakespeare at my feet.

It's almost the end of term and I would love to be able to enumerate for you all the wonderful achievements for the year.  I wish I could say we are finishing off on a high note and studying the Bard, or performing him.

The reality is we are chugging along, hoping to finish before mid-December.  We are all feeling the effects of a stressful year which has presented many challenges.  We are also beginning to feel the notorious Rockhampton humidity which arrives just after the heat to stifle the breathe out of you and sap away the energy.

The honorable William Shakespeare, at least my lovely fat copy of his complete works, is at this very moment lodged under one side of my office chair!  Argh, wash my mouth out with soap!  That thick volume was the nearest book I could find, sufficient to hold me up when the wheel broke off and I was about to use the computer just now.  Ah, how the mighty have fallen.

I would prefer to say I am leaning on God's Word but could not stoop so low as to use that sacred book in such a fashion.

I am finding little time for reading or writing blog posts but it seems that many are in the same boat as I am missing some of my regular favourite reading places and not seeing a lot of comments when I do post.  These are the cycles and seasons of the internet no doubt, just as in our own real lives.  One thing I really want to do is catch up with friends on this holidays.  Busy lives make that very difficult.

The strange upside to the deaths and funerals in our family recently has been an unusually long amount of time to spend with relatives.  With the two funerals just two days apart many travelled and stayed, making it possible to see one another more than the usual few moments at a service.

I often thank God for the marvellous blessing of a great family.  This has been brought home to me very forcefully these last few weeks.  I am so thankful, proud and happy to come from such good stock!  Of course we have our skeletons....and then there is me :-(  but a finer bunch of people one couldn't hope for in their family. 

Trisha commented on my last post about the good family stories I have recorded for my children and later generations.  If the Lord tarries, this is my hope.  To continue to record as much first hand family history as I can.

Have a great week!




^{Ephesian 2:3-5
3}Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
 ⁴But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
 ⁵Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)

Oh for a good night's sleep!

Do any of you, or your husbands or family members, suffer from Sleep Apnea?

My husband is in Brisbane's Prince Charles hospital at the moment.  He is in the sleep study unit and they have confirmed that he has Sleep Apnea.  Well I am no specialist but I could have told him that and have done for quite a few years!

He is being discharged this morning and phoned this morning very elated that his night on the oxygen gave him such wonderful slumber.  Little snoring (but of course he never did admit to snoring!) no foot and leg twitching, waking feeling refreshed.  He certainly sounded chipper!! His only problem was with the mask but he should quickly adjust to using it.

A positive for us all is that he needs to loose a little weight (which we all could do with :-) and get back to regular exercise.  When I met my hubby he was an exercise junky. (Opposites attract....apparently!)  As I am trying to get more consistent with walking and other gentle exercise it should be a good family project and won't hurt my basketballers to join in.

The only hitch I see is that Rocky is just so hot and humid from October onwards.  It saps a lot of the energy out of you.  I wouldn't walk around town on my own at night but perhaps with hubby as escort we will do that.

Would love to hear from anyone with experience of Sleep Apnea and how it affected your life or how successful treatment has been.  Statistics and reports show that SA is a major cause of depression, irritability, stress, even to the point of marriage break down.

He gives us beauty for ashes.

"It is said that in some countries trees will grow,
but will bear no fruit because there is no winter there."

John Bunyan

"Humility is a strange flower; it grows best in winter weather,
and under storms of affliction."

Samuel Rutherford

"After winter comes the summer. After night comes the dawn.
After every storm, there comes clear, open skies." 

Samuel Rutherford


(Thank you to Stefanie at Stefanie's Pleasant Places for these quotes.)

Some quotes from respected men of God of the past.
When we experience these hard trials and periods of
 affliction, a winter in our soul, it is good for us to
remember that our fellow believers have and still do
endure the same,
if they are being sanctified by the Lord.

May you know the joy which comes in the morning,
in the Spring and let us praise and magnify the Lord.

"For whom the Lord  lovest He chasteneth"
Hebrews 12:6

For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life:

 weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
Psalm 30:5

Renal "Rehab"

and learning to live with chronic illness

One of the long term "side effects" of Type 1 diabetes is kidney impairment.

My own kidneys have been shonky for a long time which is fairly standard

for someone who has had Type 1 for close to forty years.

In my recent health crisis which was actually a bleed in the liver,

my kidney function plummeted.

On my return home I was invited to join the next session of the Renal Group.

Apart from the fact that most of the attendees were at least 20 years older than me,

which is daunting, it has been a very informative exercise for me.

Knowledge is good and it can be motivating.

Sometimes, the knowledge can be a bit overwhelming, making one feel hopeless,

but it is definitely the aim of the very devoted Chronic Kidney Disease

team to encourage us.All of us were folk with Chronic Kidney Disease

 at some level above the need for dialysis.

Scarily, my GFR (renal function) dropped into the level four category
which is just one step above dialysis, at the time of all the trauma.
It is s-l-o-w-l-y rising and I praise God for this reprieve.

What have I gotten out of this time spent in education?
All the usual things are stressed - diet, exercise, take you meds.
But it has been good for me to learn more of what our
"fearfully and wonderfully" made kidneys do in the body,
to refocus on keeping them for as long as
possible on the level they are - no matter how shonky.
It was interesting today to get a better picture of what each
medication does and why it is so important to take them.
I also found it helpful throughout the program to discuss not only
the effects of our actual illness but also of these medications
and their side effects _
some of which I have had, not realising they are related.

So, if I seem tired and flakey at time -
well I probably am :-)

I am planning to begin a Cardiac Rehab session soon but since it is a
much bigger time commitment and I have done parts of it before.
I am putting it off until the long holidays in the hope
of not eating up too much school time.

I have always tried to accept my chronic health problems and carry on
life regardless but I realise that I also need to learn
to accept my limitations.
Like most people in this situation I tend to have big ideas
and I overdo things when I am feeling well -
Only to crash there after!

This is not my usual type of post but I wanted to share with you
friends what it is that keeps from blogging etc these days.
Have a great week.

"My flesh and my heart faileth,
but God is the strength of my life and my portion forever."

Family, Fun and Frustration

For over ten years one of the small local Christian Schools has extended an invitation to the Capricornia Homeschoolers to their Athletics carnival.  It really adds a great dimension for the students who are educated mainly at home with their own families, and also gives good competition to the three small schools who attend.

We usually muster about 80 - 90 so we are a larger group than two of the schools!

About six years ago we decided on orange t-shirts for the children so they really look like a team.

On some excursions  we take the students also wear the shirts and it has helped build some

 team spirit and unity .

Our school days have been short and a little disorganized as I try to return to a little normality.  But hey, what is normal.  I am not sure here anymore :-(

Our area teacher with Groves has been very helpful.  I suggested using some curriculum on DVD to spare myself a little leg work as my boys still require me for pretty much all the reading/ writing stuff they do.  The teacher not only sourced out some material for me but also spend his own precious time in writing up worksheets for some of it.

I am very thankful as my energy tank is running very low.

This is my oldest grandson having a wonderful time with play dough.

(Mumma was aghast to find he had helped himself without the plastic cloth underneath :-)

Notice our very old, well used double school desks complete with ink wells and slate pencil troughs!

And here they are!

Our current household minus hubby and I.

Good times!  Good times!

"Tribulation works patience.

'

My frustrations are minor...and trivial.

I get quite frustrated at my seemingly very slow progress and inability to do everything I want to do.

I still feel very tired but not the bone weary fatigue I experienced the first couple of weeks at home.

For which I am very thankful.

Man makes his plans

But God......

directs his path.

Hello to any one who might still remember me and see this post come up.

It has been a long while and much has happened, but as I again attempt a post I am still quite frail and weary and so have decided to simply leave a quick blog about my past month in hospital and

then resume life rather than blog about particular things which have happened over this period.

You may remember back in May I had some headaches?  One morning I woke with a terrific pain in my head such as I had never experienced before.  I spent several hours in the emergency dept of the local hospital during which time my blood pressure sky rocketed.  I had a cat scan of my head but no sign of bleeding etc (to which I am at high risk).  However, while there I had pain medication through a cannula in my right arm.  This was to trigger a chain of events from which I am still recovering.

About ten days later this site became sore and swollen, infected and painful.  On being scanned at the hospital it showed I also had a clot from elbow to shoulder in the vein of that arm.  That was when I was first admitted to hospital.  My well being slumped over the next two days and it was feared I had suffered another heart attack but it turned out the triponin leak was due to the fact that a small bit of the clot had  moved to my lung and this was pressuring the heart.

After several days I returned home on Warfarin (a thinning medication) and tried to get back to our hectic life with my daughter's twins still two months off due date.

Ten days later again, I  presented at Emergency, this time with severe pain in the right side of my stomach and my right shoulder.  My liver was bleeding!  This meant ICU, first here in Rocky and then I flew on RFDS to Royal Brisbane.  Blood and plasma were necessary to reverse the effects of the Warfarin and thankfully surgery was avoided.

Because of my underlying health problems, namely Type 1 Diabetes, I already have renal impairment and some other associated problems so the next week was very traumatic.  Everything plummeted. A lot of pain, pain killers, lack of sleep and gibberish (from me!).  This was all exacerbated by the fact that I developed pneumonia as well.

I ended up spending the whole month of June in hospital, 

 being an inpatient during the birth of the twins

and only getting to meet them when they were home and thirteen days old.

I enjoyed many visits from Brisbane friends and family while I was there and was especially blessed to meet my blogging friend Mum-me.  Thankyou so much for coming over to see me!

And I do not think I could have survived without the faithful visits, encouragement and prayers of my dear friend, JF, who came up twice a week to make sure I was going okay.

Also thanks to her hubby and family who willingly sacrificed their mum for me :-)

What a precious friend I have xoxoxo

Sooooooooooo, all the well laid plans we had made came to naught,

I am not going to pretend I just took all this lying down :-(

I was devastated.

But I know that God never left me or forsook me.

He gave me strength to endure both the trauma to my body and the huge emotional

trauma of being away from my family at such a time.

My wonderful family cope magnificently!

My older daughter has been an amazing example of the self sacrificial love that mothers have for their children as she tends to the little ones.  They still wake regularly in the night at three weeks of age and her one and two year olds are as lively as ever.  She manages on very little sleep.

My hubby and the boys have been fantastic, undertaking much of mum's work during this time.

My sons have had a lot of practice in caring for babies and small children, that is for sure.

My younger daughter has been a tower of strength and given up many days to mind children and help out generally.
We are blessed with a wonderful praying and supportive family and friends who
have provided meals, cleaned our house and given unfailing encouragement.

Now I am home, but after four weeks of bed rest I am extremely weak.

It is going to take time.

The whole business has taken a great toll on me and I seem to have visibly aged alarmingly.

Praise God he has restored me to my home and family!

His  mercies are new every morning.

Great is His faithfulness.

They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength

It has taken me four days to get this post up.  Please forgive if I am longer yet before I get back to blog reading.  I have missed all your news.

Remember Ruby?

After a rather long sabbatical, I am back!

Sometimes we go through phases of life where everything is predictable, scheduled, ho hum even.  Other seasons are more frantic - spontaneous.  Sometimes, we are caught unaware and life carries us along paths we never imagined.

Two weeks ago I blogged from the Brisbane airport waiting to return from my appointment to the Eye Clinic.  That day I noticed a soreness in my arm, like   a bruise, and I think I mentioned I had a niggling headache. By Friday night that arm was fierce and swollen and very painful.  Turns out I had a DVT there and a severe infection. So whilst in hospital dealing with the symptoms some other things began happening.  I had skyrocketing blood pressure, which had been going on for a couple of weeks and other sensations which indicated things where not going so well.  By the Monday, my bloods showed I'd had a triponin leak which is an indicator of a heart event.  I then spent a couple of days in Coronary Care before the problem was made more clear.  A little of the clot had gone to my lung which was causing grief to my heart and causing the leak - so no heart attack!
I am sure it all sounds very dramatic to anyone reading but alas, this is the way things go for me sometimes.
I was able to come home last week on the Hospital in the Home scheme and have my condition and new medications monitored here which has been great.  I am feeling really well now and praising God for His mercy!
So, needless to say, my best laid plans have not come to fruition for a really full on term of school work with my boys before the birth of my daughter's twins.  She is due in about six weeks. Any mother who is teaching her children at home and also coping with chronic illness knows that we have to be somewhat flexible in our schedules.  It is a challenge and I won't commit to writing a post on that topic as I frankly do not think I have been the best of examples in it.

On the positive side, two of the boys' supervising teachers have made visits in the last couple of weeks.  This has been good motivation for them and great encouragement for me, who naturally wonders whether I should keep on the road we are going.  My older son is joining the Homeschoolers trip to Canberra in August which the school is organizing.  He is very excited.  I think this will officially make him the most travelled member of our family!
Whilst in hospital I jotted down several anecdotes and other ideas for blog posts which perhaps will make it here in the near  future,  I am still limited in my usage of the computer and the three weeks enforced break, with no internet here, has perhaps helped to wean me from the need to check my favourite blogs too often.
I hope to catch up with you all over the next few days and comment.  I have been missing all the happenings at your places and trust you are all well and happy.

Though I have posted this verse several times before it is very precious to me and I leave you with it now.


 "My flesh and my heart faitheth, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Holidays, Celebrations and Green Army Men

When we suffer great trials and losses it helps us to focus on what is truly important.

People always come first!
 
I am so thankful that through all the recent devastation no one that I know has died, yet I realise that many families are grieving loved ones who were taken suddenly.

My daughter lost some, but not all of her possessions during the flooding which has been hard, yet we can see what a blessing it has been that she really had very little in terms of earthly chattels.  Who would have thought we would be so thankful for that.  God has used this time to re-awaken her spiritual interest and Lord willing, she will continue to store up treasures in heaven. We all need to cling very lightly to our worldly goods.
Many family and friends, as well as strangers, have offered help and donations and my daughter marvels that she will possibly have more household things post flood than before!  She has had no success in house hunting.  The lists of families requiring housing is long and the list of homes available is short.  In fact the list is almost non existent :-(

It has in fact worked out very well for our family this way. So while we continue to search, and my daughter applies for as many places as do come up, we are all enjoying the "multi generational living" arrangement and I think it is very positive for all of us.   About the only negative ~ the little grandies have discovered the big boys collection of Green Army Men !  That is, army men, astronauts, cowboys and indians and various other interesting looking fellows!  They think them wonderful though I am planning to hide them away again very soon as they are just not suitable for the little fellows.  Besides, like small legos, they are dangerous!  Each time my tender little toes step on one it is very painful.  They have just got to go!

My boys and I enjoyed a fantastic five days with our friends at the Gold Coast.  This is the family which we pined so much for when they left town last May.  It was really special to see them all again and see the way the boys fell back into their old comradeship, so easily.  We had so much fun, including a day at Dreamworld, shared many laughs and lots of great food and coffee! It was hard to say good bye all over again.

My appointment yielded an elevation up the wait list due to the rapid decline in my left eye and I hope to be on an operating list by May, DV.

On Wednesday, before we flew home I had the great pleasure of meeting again with Ganeida. She writes about our meet up  here.  I am amazed that she was nervous on meeting again.  I think of us as old friends now and we resumed our conversation easily.  She is right about being way too short a time and I do feel a little guilty that Ganeida and girls made such a huge effort for such a short while.  Thank you :-)

So we arrived home safely and are settling back to the ho hum of every day life. 
Tonight I had the pleasure of celebrating my 27th with a group of friends going out to dinner.  My birthday fell when all the flooding was beginning and we had postponed until now.  As usual it was a delightful evening of food and friendship.  Ahum.....if you are wondering about the 27th thing?  It was the 27th anniversary of my 21st birthday!

Learning about My Master

It is many years since I embraced, intellectually, the truth that God is sovereign over all things.  He created the heavens and the earth and all creatures great and small.  He is sovereign over our lives and our choices ~ yes, even over salvation itself.  Yet knowing this,  believing it and actually living as one who knows and believes it can be different things and not so easily done.  We foolishly  give ourselves some credit for our own salvation.  We sometimes whinge and complain about the Providences which God directs our way and yet his Word also tells us that he is working all things together for the good of his people.

As a young christian, I wrestled constantly with what I thought were good outcomes for a girl like me and what God seemed to be dealing up.  His grace is sufficient and he led and guided me through every dark valley. These were hard times and it took some time to even see light at the end of some of those tunnels. 

But God.....

in his mercy and unfailing love always showed me a better solution than my paltry prayers suggested and he always found a way to polish and buff at least some imperfections in me.  It is often only looking back that  we can see the more excellent way in which God has led us.  He gives beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;   And along the way, he strengthens and prepares us for each new trial and challenge we face on our pilgrimage to the Celestial City, when these earthly burdens will no longer beset us and we will never again wonder and question why.

Though I still struggle to face, endure and resolve the trials put before me, I can say "It is the Lord, Let him do what seemeth him good." with true conviction and assurance of his Divine supremacy.  I am able more and more to say "Thy will be done."  and accept the outcome.  I am learning to place the lives of my loved ones with greater trust and less anxiety in the hands of Him who sees and  knows all, whose end result is always the best result for his children.

In my current circumstances it is very tempting to take over the reins and make all the decisions....because I am uh um...older, wiser blah, blah, blah, yeah, right!.  But the fact is , my loved ones are adults who have to make their own decisions and who ultimately stand before God.

Still, I am praying for the discretion and dignity of a Titus 2 woman, the patience of .Job and the wisdom of Solomon.


(Carol,   good suggestion!  I already had this post set to post as I am away until 23rd so was on the wave length.).

Amidst all the frantic pace of life in our still overflowing (with children, laughter, food and mess) household, my boys and I are taking off for a week in the south.  Five days at the Gold Coast with our much missed friends (Dreamworld here we come!) and two days in Brisbane visiting in-laws and attending an eye appointment.
I will endeavour to catch you all up next week, DV.

In sorrow you shall bring forth children.

 As I have aged, matured I hope, I have come to value and appreciate my mother so much more than I did as a rather self absorbed youth.
I think of Mary, our Lord's mother and those verses which say that a sword shall pierce her heart ,  The scriptures tell us that Mary pondered and kept in her heart and memory all that was told to her of her son.  How she must have sorrowed to see him suffer though she trusted in him as the God of her salvation!

Thankfully, when we hold that precious bundle in our arms we do not know what lies ahead for them or for us.  We delight in the new babe and put all our hopes, dreams and prayers into them as we seek to raise them in the fear and nurture of the Lord.

How difficult it is to see our loved ones in pain.

Again, I am loathe to pray, whatever it takes Lord, for fear of the consequence.

One thing I know, I can confidently leave my child, this one I grieve for now and all of them,

 in the Lord's hands,

But like my own mother, and Mary before me, we never stop hoping, trusting, loving.

I ponder all these things in my heart.

Mother hood

my greatest joy and my deepest sorrow.

Pslam 143

7 Lord, let my pray'r prevail,

To answer it make speed;

For, lo, my sp'rit doth fail:

Hide not thy face in need;

Lest I be like to those

That do in darkness sit,

Or him that downward goes

Into the dreadful pit.

8 Because I trust in thee,

O Lord, cause me to hear

Thy loving-kindness free,

When morning doth appear:

Cause me to know the way

Wherein my path should be;

For why, my soul on high

I do lift up to thee.

9 From my fierce enemy

In safety do me guide,

Because I flee to thee,

Lord, that thou may'st me hide.

10 My God alone art thou,

Teach me thy righteousness:

Thy Sp'rit's good, lead me to

The land of uprightness.

11 O Lord, for thy name's sake,

Be pleas'd to quicken me;

And, for thy truth, forth take

My soul from misery.

12 And of thy grace destroy

My foes, and put to shame

All who my soul annoy;

For I thy servant am.

(Scottish Metrical Version)