Learning About Me.

On this day, 24 years ago, my first child was born.  The years pass quickly indeed. Sometimes I don't even feel as though I am 24.  How could I have children this age??!! Do I still grieve.  Yes, in the sense that one of my family are not here, but not in that heart broken way you do when you first loose a loved one. 
Recently someone commented that I seemed to think about  this   child and talk of him a lot considering his eight short days of life, such a long time ago.  Ha, only someone who has not lost a child could think that.  Losing anyone we love is painful, but in our children are tied up many hopes and dreams and a great deal of love, long before he ever leaves the womb.  Counselling books will tell you that the loss of a child, whether a still birth, neo natal death (as mine was) or later in life is one of life's greatest sorrows akin to the loss of one's spouse.
Thank you Lord for my son, through whose pregnancy, birth and death I have known such great joy and desperate sorrow but in the long run been strenghtened in so many ways. I would say, that has been one of my most valuable character changing/ developing experiences.


I am learning lots of lessons about my character at the moment.  I have always loved children and I guess I am a little dotty about my own :-)  My grandsons have always been a delight to me and now sharing such close time with two of them is flipping my heart and giving me much to giggle and gloat over!
I am learning that I am much more tolerant with these little ones that I can hand back to mother for the tough stuff!  I attribute this calmness to my heart medication which keeps my heart pounding at a a slow, even pace even when things are noisy and chaotic!  I think my partial eyesight and deafness in one ear are both helpful in glossing over behaviours which may have got my dander up in by gone days.  I hope also I have simply relaxed and can take life a little less impatiently and a lot more humorously than in days gone   by.        
I know I am learning to re-assess my goals and reasons for home schooling.  My boys have begun the year's work and I am contented with their progress.  It is a new challenge for us all to have a one and two year old in the house!  Drawing, books and puzzles only occupy them for a very short time.  So while my own fellows have all the challenges of their learning limitations, they are also developing some great diversion tactics for small people,  a lot of patience, and how to keep their precious belongings OUT OF REACH.

Dad is coping tremendously and is also finding he is more patient and less stressed about little people than he once was.

And my daughter is coping marvellously under difficult circumstances.  She is a blessing to have in the house.  (Hey, didn't I train that girl?) My second daughter is also doing a great deal to help with flood clean up and child minding which is a great help.

It is one of those hectic and potentially fraught weeks ( with the cyclone threat and unpleasant weather and other trials) which has turned out well and productive
A nice stir fry for tea and maybe a movie tonight.
Hope everyone else has had a good one as far as school goes and those still in flood areas and cyclone affected areas, I pray for your safety and a quick recovery.

Create in me a clean heart, oh Lord, and renew a right spirit with in me.